関係 (Relationships)

Hello everybody!

As always, the gaps between my posts continues to be very long. I know that only few friends of mine read the things that I write here, but even so it is very important for me to have this space and write a little about mine experiences in Japan. My first semester at the University of Tokyo was finally over, but I'm still pretty busy, because of reports and the work at lab. Many times I thought about writing a new poster here, but I was so tired (and a little fed up of everything) that I ended over and over again postponing my post. Now it's 3:42 AM August 9 (a thursday) and, suddenly, I had the inspiration! And today's inspiration is about relationships.

Relationships are always complicated! For me, just thinking about sharing a part (it can be small or big) of your life with another person is something really scary, but also very beautiful: scary because I believe that when you share your life with another person, you inevitably end exposing your weaknesses and fears, becoming more vulnerable to the occurrence of stressful situations; and beautiful because I believe that at the same time that you become so vulnerable, you also open your life to new possibilities, which makes you grow as a person!

And that's why relationships are so important for us: for us to grow. As we live our daily-lives, we end up living everyday repeated routines that put us in a "comfort zone", where we know what to expect and how to react to it. However, as we allow relationships in our lives, new and unpredictable situations pop-up and force us to re-evaluate our actions and ways of thinking. Some people can deal better with this, some worse...

Living by myself here in Japan has led me to think a lot about this, basically because I'm in a situation where this "comfort zone break" is really intense! The culture of japanese people is completely different from brazilian culture. The language also is another barrier, since I'll never be able to express my feelings in Japanese as well as I express in Portuguese (and that isn't a problem of learning japanese language, but a human limitation). Also, the situation that I am exposed now as a whole is really stressful, making me really sentimentally vulnerable.

Saying "I like" or "I care about you" here is way more strong than in Brazil. As well as hearing "I don't care" shouldn't be seem so harsh as it sounds for us, brazilians. Asking if people are ok here can be restricted to physical conditions, while in Brazil can also concern the psychological conditions. Touching is also a difference, since hugs and kisses are more restricted to passional relationships here, while in Brazil it is broadened to other kinds of relationships.

I really don't wanna put a merit of which way of thinking/ behavior is the correct (although I have a personal and strong opinion about this). Instead, what I wanna emphasize here is that these differences really exist and they can make your life really hard here in Japan.  

I'm feeling really sad right now. I believe I'm a really good person, and I always do my best to respect and try to understand the people that are near me. But something that I really don't know how to respond well is to disappointment. I'm really disappointed with someone here and I'm thinking continuously how to react to it. I still don't know the answer, but I'm sure of one thing: this will broaden my understanding about relationships!

I'm crying a lot, feeling really bad, but I'm sure that I'll find a way out... because I have people out there that I know they need me. I really can't understand those people that says that happiness or love exists inside each one of us and that only you existing is enough! I decided to live for other people, to help them, to learn about theirs lives, to become a part of them... and it is from this that I find my happiness... mine desire to continue to struggle! I can't live alone and thanks God I'm not alone!